Issue #159  4/1/2009
AIG Financial Services Managers Decide to Give Away Bonus Money to Support The Arts By Buying Up All of Damien Hirst's "Art"

By Sue Themnow

Realizing that they were about to be hung in more then effigy, the top managers of AIG's London Financial Services division decided that they would give away much of their bonuses to a worthy charity: buying up all the excess Damien Hirst art that has flooded the market, thus saving White Cube and hundreds of now-broke art collectors. Any left-over funding will go to buying up Thomas Struth pornographic reprints and big flower photos.

"We knew that all those polka dot paintings and medicine cabinets were even more worthless than those insurance policies on derivatives that we were selling, so we felt we would help the economy and the arts, by buying up all of Hirst's art and burning it," said one former AIG bundler, "that way we could make a charitable contribution to culture and save the art market from its biggest blunder yet. Plus get a great tax write-off on top of it, so we don't even have to pay any taxes on these bonuses."

"We thought about giving the money to some real charity in the U.S., but then, we said, 'What the heck, we're Brits and ex-Pats and the American taxpayers and the U.S. Congress can kiss our big British butts.'"